A couple of years ago I was in my kickboxing gym, where I trained at professionally for over 7 years. In group sessions you rotate partners and sometimes you get a novice, so ethically, you should be gentle. That day I was paired with a guy who probably has 5 hours of kickboxing under his belt. We were doing technical sparring, following a technique dictated by the coach. Such pairings were an opportunity for me to refine my footwork and head movement, but always be gentle on final contact.
However, my partner, let’s call him “Mr. Tyson,” took it upon himself to offer unsolicited advice on every move I made. I am all for constructive feedback, but that was another asshole who cannot sit in silence and just be. Over the years, you meet so many of them in the gym and life in general, you kind of know the type. I nodded politely many times and kept quite.
Last ten seconds of our last round, I gutted his inside and walked away. Guess he caught me at a bad day.
Inspired by “When people think you’re dying, they really, really listen to you, instead of just waiting for their turn to speak” ― Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club.
Similarly, it feels like everyone has an agenda — a tinder story or a life hack or a triathlon they are training hard for. They invite you over for a coffee and the performance starts, you suddenly feel like it is an ambush or a trap.
They ask you a question, 10 seconds in, their eyes blur out, they interrupt to give you fashion advice, the next club you should go to – knowing that you don’t party anymore – or even how you need to market your business better. They try to sell you their dreamy life style, their gym membership. They tell you not to have milk, because no adult animal does.
Next on the talk cards, 5 ways you should invest your money and how amazing they are with their kids. A gasp how you haven’t purchased your first home followed by an unforgiving nod how you are wasting your money on 5$ Starbucks coffee.
Everyone became a healer/party animal, a coach or an investment banker. Everyone is inhaling and exhaling the same air, the same circulation of bullshit that its sole purpose is mind wash. Everyone scrolls in the same pattern, they follow the same trail of podcasts and the ones that give more effort are also reading the same best sellers. Everyone is a copy of a copy.
They want to shove their mind puke down your mouth- because there is no prettier or more sophisticated way to put it- just to make themselves feel better, accomplished and in the right.
I often wonder, did the need to interact socially change? I mean a coffee catchup doesn’t need to be the next philosophical debate or anything, but I also don’t want to rinse my brain and hide for the following 3 days to clear my mind post a conversation.
I am not a victim I have gutted so many insides. I am also not innocent I have lectured on the benefits of a cold shower. I am just in mourning. Social media, influencer culture, and the constant barrage of information has created an environment where everyone seems to be striving for a voice, an identity, and a platform.
In the quest for validation and a sense of purpose, The art of sipping coffee and flowing in conversation is dying. A conversation is a connection, a give and take, a mutual sharing of experiences and reflections. Now, a conversation often feels transactional or performative, a monologue rather than a dialogue. Look at me I am the prettiest, the smartest and the one with the biggest muscles, mirror mirror on the wall disorder.
The constant need to “perform,” “sell,” or “brand” is a byproduct of living in an age of personal branding. In a world where everyone is trying to stand out, people often feel the need to constantly “pitch” their life, beliefs, or experiences. No one stands out, everyone is seated sipping coffee in another mind numbing transaction.
I am exhausted, but I know the next time I will sip the awaited coffee cup, it will very much worth it. Until then “Don’t talk unless you can improve the silence.”― Jorge Luis Borges.
FrequencyForty 